AV children learn life lessons from Team Edwards mentors Published Jan. 26, 2011 By Diane Betzler Staff Writer EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- Twelve-year old Khiabet says her grades are improving and that's good. Even better is understanding that improvement may be a byproduct of a new set of life skills she's acquiring, in part through her mentor, Dr. Ingrid Wysong, chief scientist at the Aerophysics Branch of the Space and Missile Propulsion Division of the Air Force Research Laboratory on base. Dr. Wysong, along with several other Team Edwards members, volunteers her time to help Antelope Valley children as part of the United We Mentor program. United We Mentor has been aiding Antelope Valley children since 2007 and according to Karen Gilmore, program director, the program and its small army of volunteers is making a big difference. "A lot of kids who were struggling with grades are now getting A's and B's," Mrs. Gilmore said. "It's more an attitude change." And the children learn new life skills. The mentors make a difference by making the school-age children aware of the resources available to them and then showing them how to use those resources, Mrs. Gilmore said. "It's all about exposure." Until they have that exposure open to them, it's all just words, she said. Six flourishing Edwards' professionals have joined the 80-some volunteers who are currently doing their share to help show the valley's young people how to succeed in life. "It's not actually about academics," said Justin Koo, an engineer at the Spacecraft Propulsion Division of the Air Force Research Laboratory Det. 7. The young professional joined United We Mentor two years ago and has been enjoying being a friend and role model to a boy who's now 14 years old and in high school. Mr. Koo says he sees his role as mentor more as being an adult friend. "Mentoring is a weird word, I just call it hanging out with Jonathan," he said of the young student he gets to share some quality time with. Mr. Koo concedes, however, that often youngsters who are being mentored do show an improvement in their school work, but believes that's because mentored children usually end up feeling better about themselves, which he says often reflects on other activities they are involved in, such as school. With a doctorate in aerospace engineering, it's obvious that education ranks high on Mr. Koo's list of must-haves, but he treads lightly when broaching the subject with the boy he's grooming for success. "We do talk about the importance of academics," Mr. Koo said, but he's cautious about discussing school work with Jonathan because he wants to keep communication open. "So I just keep it at a low level until something big comes up, like a report card, and then I try to get him to draw some lessons learned from his classes." Mr. Koo believes the most meaningful support he can offer Jonathan is listening to him. "Oftentimes parents are either too busy or too stressed to just sit down and listen to their kids." Many professionals agree, and it's often been stated that listening to your children is the best way to validate them. Each mentor has his or her own unique way of mentoring. The technique mostly depends on the individual child's needs and personality. Dr. Wysong agrees with Mr. Koo and also views her mentoring role as being a companion. She's trying to be an adult the young person can come to trust. "Kids really trust you when you listen to them," she said. Like Mr. Koo, Dr. Wysong said she and Khiabet, mostly just like to hang out. "We do go on a lot of the group activities when other commitments don't get in the way, and when it's just the two of us, we do things we enjoy doing the most, like taking long walks or reading good books," Dr. Wysong said. "I do things with Jonathan that I like to do, and it turns out they are things that Jonathan likes to do also," Mr. Koo said. "We're not there to improve their grade level," Dr. Wysong said. "If that happens, great, but I'm more about the relationship and being a good role model," she said. "We're there to plant a seed about becoming a responsible adult," agreed Mr. Koo. The children come in all types of personalities. When a mentor is first paired with a child, there is a period of adjustment both need to work through. During that adjustment period the mentor and the child decide if they want to become a team. The fit has to feel right for both, if it doesn't, they can decide to move on, Mrs. Gilmore said. "For the relationship to work there has to be a connection for both people." Dr. Wysong said her biggest challenge with young Khiabet, who is an extremely reserved child, was developing the camaraderie needed for them to become a team. Khiabet, although willing to share her mentoring experience with the Desert Eagle, is a child who doesn't warm up to strangers easily, and it took some probing to get a conversation going with the very private young girl. She said she enjoys her relationship with Dr. Wysong that began two years ago and said she intends to continue with the mentoring program throughout her middle school years. "We just mostly hang out, but when I have a problem with my school work, Ingrid (Dr. Wysong) helps me through it. I like that because I've been getting better grades in school and that makes me feel good," Khiabet said. The sixth-grader said she thinks the mentoring program is a good experience, and she recommends it to friends who ask about it. "They teach you some things you don't know, and we do some fun stuff too," she said. United We Mentor operates under the umbrella of Antelope Valley Partners in Health. "Our vision is the same as AVPH," Mrs. Gilmore said. "That is to ensure that all children and families in the Antelope Valley will have optimal psychosocial, physical, and environmental health." The program director said that in the three short years that United We Mentor has been active in the Antelope Valley they have put together about 189 matches. "We currently have about 80 active mentors, but the need here in the AV is strong so we're constantly recruiting," she said. New mentors go through a pretty thorough background check and a six-hour training class that clarifies the role of a mentor. They also screen every applicant, she said. Mrs. Gilmore said six mentors are either civilian or Air Force personnel from Edwards. She said they love it when they can get people from the base to join the program, since many have already gone through a fairly extensive background check. Mr. Koo said there's an opportunity waiting for those willing to take it. "There (are) a lot of lieutenants here that can spare a couple hours a week to mentor and be a good role model to the valley's young kids," Mr. Koo said. He's hoping more Edwards personnel will feel the need and join the program. Mr. Koo said a lot of today's young people come from single parent homes, and most often the parent raising the child is the mother, so the program can use a lot more male role models to help fill a father or big brother role. He sees Air Force lieutenants in particular, as great potential role models. "They have so much to offer these kids. All we ask for is six hours of their time a month," Mr. Koo said. He said mentoring is a great way of giving back. "Our kids are coming from a disadvantaged family. We help fill a void." Though the program only asks for six hours a month of one's time, Mr. Koo warns potential mentors that there is some level of commitment. "When you take on a child and it's a fit, you need to commit to spending at least a full year with that child." Mr. Koo and Dr. Wysong have each been with their young students for two years and both say they will stay with them for as long as their youngsters need them. "When Jonathan is ready to move on, I will definitely sign up for another child," Mr. Koo said. Another good source for potential mentors is the many aerospace people at the base, Mrs. Gilmore said. She hopes some of those people will consider fulfilling a need and volunteering their time and influence to a young person. But the rewards are not one-sided. "Kids are fun to hang with and there's a bond that grows out of the relationship," Mr. Koo said. "We've had some matches that just don't work -- but the ones that do work stay together for a long time, and that is where we see a huge improvement," Mrs. Gilmore said. "Don't expect to see overnight changes," Mr. Koo advised. "You're planting a seed and it takes lots of watering." Anyone interested in the United We Mentor program may contact Mrs. Gilmore at (661) 802-1380 or email her at: kgilmore@avph.org.