EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. --
Capt. Conner J. Simms, 412th Test Wing chaplain, shares lessons learned from his work as a counselor in various medical settings before, during, and after the COVID-19 pandemic. Simms has worked in pediatric intensive care, emergency and palliative care, and post-operative recovery. (Photo by Laisa Leao)
After nearly a decade as a hospital chaplain, I witnessed deep heartbreak and surprising hope in settings ranging from the pediatric intensive care unit to the emergency center, and from palliative care to post-operative recovery – before, during and after the COVID-19 pandemic.
Many lessons emerged from that work, but two stand out.
Lead with Curiosity
Over time, jobs, relationships and routines can feel predictable. Familiarity can lead to assumptions about what's happening or needed, and rank can make it harder to ask questions.
A mentor once advised: "No matter the reason for the call or what you hear about the patient's condition or the family's mood, start with curiosity, not assumption."
Curiosity invites presence, encourages listening and creates connection.
Assuming you know what someone needs without asking prevents true presence. Don't let the fear of seeming awkward keep you from asking simple questions:
"How are you doing?"
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
'I see you,' and 'It matters.'
This second lesson builds on the first. When you lead with curiosity and listen intently, you communicate more than empathy. You convey: "I see you," and "what you're going through matters."
People often want their reality acknowledged more than fixed or solved. They want someone to walk alongside them. Leaders must remember and practice this.
We may not always have the right words or fully understand someone's burdens. But we can show up with curiosity, listen and offer reassurance: "You're not invisible. You're not alone."
That kind of presence, when genuine, humble and consistent, can be transformative.
This week, look beyond your routine and check in with others. Ask questions and offer your presence. When someone shares their story, receive it with care that says, "I see you, and you matter."